We can do hard things....

...and putting my mom in assisted living is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's been 4 months now and there are plenty of daily challenges and lots of guilt on my part but all in all, she's doing very well. We were trying to take care of  her at home but it was 24 hour care and it took a lot of people and it was just getting too hard to carry out and coordinate. Sounds like whining....but when it came right down to it, it took many, many people to do the things that Leila Sullivan did and we were trying to live her life for her, giving up our own. I'm sure there could have been other solutions but I think she realized too that it was getting too hard....hard on her as well as us. She told Joyce and me one day that if we could get her into the meadows, she would go. We went down immediately, they had one opening and if we signed right then we could
get 2 months free so we signed her up, moved her in and it happened all that fast. Probably too fast for her and for us but it's one of those decisions that, at the time, you know it is right. It just felt right. I stayed with her the first night and it was horrible. I was ready to take her home then......but we muddled through the first week, then the first month, then we kind of settled into a new "norm" which I'm still wishing we could have found another solution that would have let her stay in her home. (I guess I'll always still be looking for that solution). It still weighs on my heart and soul every single day but she is there, cared for, fed on a regular basis and she has a lot of company.  She has finally settled into trying to make the most of it and continuing to do her compassionate service there. She has some paranoia....thinks everyone is talking about her (and they probably are saying

nice things about her). It's all part of the aging process I guess....a little dementia probably to protect her from the awful reality of it all. I have to be convinced that it is a good place and that they are taking care of her best interests.  It doesn't take away the hurt I feel each time I go there but I have to be grateful for my life and the life and childhood she gave to me. I have to reflect on what I would want as I age. It's made me realize that life has to be enjoyed "daily" and it is going by so fast. In reality, I'm not sure what will happen but I know what I want to happen.  I want to check myself in to a nice facility when I'm still able and never put that responsibility on my children. I'm learning to be in charge of my own happiness and not depending on others for my well-being. I'm grateful that I have others and a very wide circle of family and friends that help me through life, however.

I have a great group of girl friends that I shared a lot of childhood memories with and we still are trying to make new ones as we gather each year to renew our friendships. It works because we are all old enough now that the old stories are new again. It really never gets old. This past October I hosted them at my home in Pine Valley. We had a wonderful time together and the 2 days went by quickly.

We ate at Paula's, attended a play at Tuacahn, made birdhouses and hung them in my tree as a remembrance of our friendship, we rode horses with Larry and dined at the Brandin' Iron Steakhouse. Whew, we did cram a lot in a short week-end but it was fun, fun, fun. Can't wait to do it again.




A huge shout out to my BFFs for being willing to drop what they are doing and make an effort
to get together.







I want to say a little bit about my Pine Valley home here. I'm enjoying it so much even with the hard winter that we have had. I'm always happy when someone wants to come join me but I'm also very happy alone there. Randy still has to work in California so I'm there a lot alone and the peace and serenity I feel is not even describable with words. I've enjoyed the snow and anticipate the magical transformation that will take place in a few months. I've enjoyed having my grand children join me. When Traci came to town, I invited the boys up for a night. It was so much fun. We had Secret Pals (stopped at Family Dollar) and bought gifts for each other. I even had them buy one for me and was thrilled to get my giant box of chocolates. Sweet boys. They enjoyed the snow, pigging out on treats, chillin' in the jacuzzi.......

 ....after rolling in the snow......

We enjoyed many episodes of "America's Worst Cooks" and they talked a lot. It's amazing what a grandma can learn with her little chatty grandsons but "what happens at grandmas stays at grandmas" and it certainly made me smile. I love each and every interaction I can have with these little ones. Maybe one day they will visit me in the rest home. Mom's grand kids certainly love her and have been so good to keep her company and help her out in these last years of her life. I may not have time for them though....bingo, Uno, rummy, programs, hair appointments. I'll try and fit them into my busy schedule. ....and speaking of grand children, so very proud of George and his parents. We watched him get his Eagle Scout Award this past Sunday.

What a good boy he is. I am so very proud of him and his accomplishments. He has a bright future and is well on his way to lots of good times. A good way to end this lengthy blog post but I need to add one last picture and express my gratitude for all the good in life. I'm thankful for my blog that helps me see the good and share it (I'm not sure who with as I don't know if anyone really reads this but one day maybe someone will). I love my new home....I've enjoyed the winter, making fires, watching the snow fall, being out in it.....especially loving the Arctic Cat and my new snow shoes.

I love it when Randy comes and he's been with me for 3 weeks. So grateful for this beautiful place and the surroundings we are able to enjoy...year 'round beauty. It reminds me of my favorite Primary Song......"I Know Heavenly Father Loves Me"....and whenever I hear the sound of a bird or look at that blue, blue sky, I know this for sure.

No S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day) for me.

No sirreeeeeee. I was able to spend a wonderful Valentine's Day (actually pre-Valentine's Day) with my hubby, Randy this year. We spent yesterday in Zion....

.....and as you can see, a perfectly beautiful day and one of our favorite places to be together.

We dined at Zion's Lodge, another of our favorite spots...and outdoor dining was the way to go.....

A selfie, some salmon cakes and the views from our table....and not that Valentine's Day is all about food but on the way home we picked up some steak and lobster for our dinner and we went as gourmet as possible......at home tonight.

It was great spending the day with my sweetheart and just enjoying being in this peaceful valley together in our home and out enjoying the sun shine on the snow.  Hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day.....and if it's SAD Day for you, all I can say is "been there, done that".....and I like this a lot better. P.S.  I'm still not caught up but will fill you in on our "Girl Friend Retreat" (last October) in up coming posts. Until then.....enjoy.