......and I've always felt that statement to be a bit "cheesy" but apparently I'm feeling one today as I haven't cried over this little kid for a very long time but I'm misty-eyed today thinking of this picture and my 4th little son that's missing. Twenty-eight years ago this very day I started into what I thought was false labor 3 weeks early with my 4th baby (not knowing it was boy #4) and went into the hospital for an ultrasound the next day only to find no heart beat. Little David Barber was declared dead and I was wheeled in for a c-section and my perfectly-formed little baby boy was stillborn. The only emotion I can remember is intense "disappointment" and I felt really empty arms for a long time after. We lived across the street from Scott's mom at the time and were very busy building up a new veterinary practice, fixing up an old home and getting established in our neighborhood and ward so our time was well used up but still there were empty hours that I filled with tears wondering what it would be like to raise him and have my 4 little boys. Even now, as I see kids his age I wonder....would he be married, would he be struggling through school, would he be happy. Mason's the one that didn't get to have a little brother but the other day told me that's why he gave McKay "David" as a middle name in honor of the little brother he didn't get to have while growing up. So, as I continue on my "glass half empty/half full" saga, I'm choosing to feel 'half-empty' today and say that for sure, I'm grateful for what I do have and I do have some pretty great children but let me shed a tear today for this one that I didn't get to have. I miss you, David Barber Wells, stillborn October 20, 1980.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
There are angels among us.....
......and I've always felt that statement to be a bit "cheesy" but apparently I'm feeling one today as I haven't cried over this little kid for a very long time but I'm misty-eyed today thinking of this picture and my 4th little son that's missing. Twenty-eight years ago this very day I started into what I thought was false labor 3 weeks early with my 4th baby (not knowing it was boy #4) and went into the hospital for an ultrasound the next day only to find no heart beat. Little David Barber was declared dead and I was wheeled in for a c-section and my perfectly-formed little baby boy was stillborn. The only emotion I can remember is intense "disappointment" and I felt really empty arms for a long time after. We lived across the street from Scott's mom at the time and were very busy building up a new veterinary practice, fixing up an old home and getting established in our neighborhood and ward so our time was well used up but still there were empty hours that I filled with tears wondering what it would be like to raise him and have my 4 little boys. Even now, as I see kids his age I wonder....would he be married, would he be struggling through school, would he be happy. Mason's the one that didn't get to have a little brother but the other day told me that's why he gave McKay "David" as a middle name in honor of the little brother he didn't get to have while growing up. So, as I continue on my "glass half empty/half full" saga, I'm choosing to feel 'half-empty' today and say that for sure, I'm grateful for what I do have and I do have some pretty great children but let me shed a tear today for this one that I didn't get to have. I miss you, David Barber Wells, stillborn October 20, 1980.
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4 comments:
Good entry - I forget about these important days. To truly appreciate how happy Kyle is to be in this picture, you've got to click on it. Nice Rabbit's Foot - This is a classic photo. Thanks Mom.
Touching entry! At least you know you will have all the eternities to be with him.
By the way...where can I pick me up one of those lucky rabbit's foot nowadays?
What a classic picture. Doesn't get much more nostalgic than that. Sure would be cool to have a fourth little boy in the picture maybe on a "big wheel". Thanks for the reminder mom. I do love all my brothers.
I can remember when you lost this little one. You have really been through a lot - many hard experiences in your life. I think Scott and David are out there somewhere playing ball. Sometimes blue days are good.
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